Road Of Forgotten Memories
by wildfirexpassion
Summary: After the events of End Of Days, Jack comes back to find Ianto has lost his memory due to an explosion, Gwen has turned Torchwood into another version of UNIT, oh, and Grey and John are back.
1. Introduction

**It's been months since Jack 'disappeared' from Torchwood. This story is set post End Of Days, the thirteenth (and last) episode of season one. Some of the events in this story appeared in season two (I'm sure you can recognize them when you see them), however the twist might be slightly different from those in the story. I'm trying to think up pasts that will fit for each character (since S2 didn't describe their pasts before Torchwood, just what they had been doing when or before they joined Torchwood). So basically I'm doing my own version of season two and possibly season three (since this story will be put into two parts/stories).**


	2. Explosion

"Ianto. We're going to need your help - there's supernatural activity in a old warehouse that we need to check out."

Gwen Cooper stood in the doorway of the Hub's kitchen, not daring to enter. It was an unspoken agreement between the two of them that no matter how much power Gwen now had, that there would always be two places she would not enter. The first was the kitchen - Ianto's own piece of the Hub that Jack had gave him when he had joined Torchwood. And the second was Jack's office that Ianto cleaned daily to twice a day. Papers, Ianto had said firmly, would remain in the cabinets and when they needed to be signed then he would sign them himself or take them to Owen. Gwen had said she understood, though Ianto knew she never would. And he didn't try to explain it to her.

Owen had given over second-in-command to Ianto, who had given it to Gwen, who insisted that she would lead the team but would not be leader of Torchwood and would not take official commandment. Ianto knew that she was trying to satisfy him in some way, as if giving him the official leadership would some how replace his need for Jack. It didn't, but maybe that was okay. There was nothing, Ianto was convinced, that would be able to replace Jack and that was the way it should be.

Toshiko had regained her confidence, and was now in the Hub less often than she had been. Not to imply that she wasn't fully absorbed with her workstation and, namely, her computer when she came in each morning. Not at all. It was just that she actually left at a set time each night - 9:00 sharp. Ianto, Owen, and Gwen had all been convinced that having an actual, reliable time schedule while working at Torchwood was impossible. But Toshiko was always out of there on time, which proved them wrong. Owen, after an incredibly long day and seeing Toshiko kiss Ianto on the cheek before running out the Hub door, had wondered allowed if Tosh had a boyfriend - or girlfriend. Ianto and Gwen just shrugged nonchalantly and got back to their work.

They even saw Myfanwy less. Instead of keeping her cooped up inside of the Hub 24/7, like Jack has insisted, Ianto now made it a ritual to take her up on the roof at night and let her fly until 6 a.m, which is when Ianto got in every morning to let her back in. It made him giddy - like a children disobeying his parent's orders and knowing he could get away with it.

Gwen now had her life back - as if it had been put on temporary hiatus. Following Tosh's example she now worked hard to have a life outside Torchwood, namely spending as much time with Rhys possible.

"I'll be right out." Ianto told her. Gwen nodded, disappearing into the main computer room. Ianto sighs. Another day to bear.

Its days like this when Ianto toys with the idea of suicide. It was one thing to shoot another person (Owen), it was one thing to shoot another living being (Weevil), and it was one thing to toy around with _thinking_ of shooting some one (Owen, Gwen, Jack). It was another thing entirely when the barrel of the gun was pointed at your head.

But Torchwood is centered on death and suicide. At Torchwood Two, Ianto's previous job, one of the workers had committed suicide after seeing his teammate dismembered and eaten by a Grovenwhardt. Another had jumped out of one of the Torchwood windows after being made to kill and dissect a Weevil. And Lisa - his Lisa... had been murdered by Ianto's lover. How utterly sick and twisted was that?

But 'utterly sick and twisted' were the words used to describe Torchwood.

"Okay," Owen murmurs to himself when Ianto enters the main room. "Definitely signs of Weevil. But how boring would that be, eh?"

"Very." Ianto says solemnly. Owen looks up.

"Sorry." Ianto says when seeing his startled look.

Ianto's relationship with Owen had improved. Maybe it was the shock that they could no longer act like two children on the playground who had spats with each other over the sand box because Jack was no longer there to supervise and keep them from killing each other. They weren't friends. They didn't have to be. But sometimes the whole point of Torchwood is keeping the people around you alive - even if they are annoying twats.

"Coming along, are you?" Owen said gruffly, turning his back to face his computer.

"Gwen asked." Ianto stated, as if this explained it all. It did.

Owen tossed Ianto the set of keys to the SUV. Ianto caught them skillfully before briskly walking towards the set of metal doors, ignoring the feel of Owen's gaze on his back and Gwen's look of concern as he passed her. Toshiko looked up from her laptop and gave him a brief smile.

The day was like any other. It was cloudy and smelled of rain as soon as Ianto stepped out of the doors into the fresh air, breathing deeply. Gwen was the first to follow him out, keeping her gaze carefully directed away from him as she went to sit in the passenger seat. Toshiko followed with her laptop in hand, safely suited in her leather case. Owen came out last, not ackknowleding Ianto's presence.

Ever since Jack's disappearance, the three of them seemed to be more cautious around Ianto. They had all knew that Ianto was 'with' Jack, technically, but that didn't stop them from wondering how much it hurt Ianto when Jack left. Was he suffering like he had been when Jack had "died"? Did he even sleep anymore, because the darkness under his eyes were getting darker? Did he even care? Sometimes he heard Gwen and Toshiko whispering among themselves when they thought he couldn't hear. One time he had glanced at Gwen's computer monitor to find her e-mailing Toshiko, his name mentioned seven times in two paragraphs. Ianto wondered why he was so damn fascinating when Owen was so screwed up, or how pathetic Gwen's attempt at a 'normal' life was. What about Jack, anyway? No one whispered about him. It was a silent agreement that no one talked about Jack, where he might be, or if he was in well health. It was like Jack had been a figment of their imagination; something that they had believed in when they couldn't cope with reality.

The doors of the SUV were slammed when everyone piled in, uncaring of the dangers that might lie at the warehouse. Gwen joked around with Owen, who had made a snarky remark about something or other concerning the security system. Tosh replied, 'hmph'ing as if Owen had made a personal assault to her pride. Probably did, since Toshiko programmed the security system manually all by herself. Ianto watched her face in the mirror as he pulled away from the sidewalk and turned south to face the onslaught of traffic. She caught him looking and smiled, shyly. Ianto looked away, focusing on the road.

"It's an old warehouse, one of the oldest ones around." Gwen said conversationally. "The statistics show that the most supernatural activity is in the top and fourth floors, where old army machinery used to be kept. Though that's probably all cleared out by now, because I heard that they were planning on knocking it down and build some kind of... what's it called?"

"Power plant." Owen supplied, before Ianto could. Ianto swallowed, keeping his mouth shut and avoiding Gwen's gaze.

"That's it." Gwen nodded. "But apparently their attempts were delayed, and then the warehouse was bought out from under them."

"By who?" Toshiko asked, opening her laptop.

"Who knows? It doesn't say. Neither does it say the name of the warehouse."

An hour flew by. The SUV was mostly quiet, as if they were all feeling the emptiness of conversation without Jack. No saucy remarks about how much privacy you could get in a warehouse accompied by a wink, no sarcastic reply when Owen asked if they were there yet, no...Jack. Ianto remembered when Jack had threatened to run him over if he wasn't out of the way, before he had joined Jack's team. He remembered waving a dark-chocolate candy bar in the air to taunt a should-be-extinct dinosaur. He remembered rolling on the floor with Jack, laughing in each other's face and feeling Jack's breath on his face, feeling his closeness, smelling the scent, the smell of him...

"Alright, Ianto?" Owen asked, jerking him out of his reverie. He glanced in the mirror to see Owen's dark eyes on him. He flushed, wondering what he had been doing to catch Owen's attention.

"Yeah." Ianto said briskly.

And that was the end of that. The tires of the SUV crunched loudly as they entered the gravel-filled grounds that surrounded the old, faded warehouse that still stood strong and proud. There were sighs of relief from the backseat, and Gwen cast Ianto a happy look. He returned it, even though it was half-hearted. Gwen didn't seem to notice, because she had already turned back to her window that was fogged up. He sighed, mumbled something under his breath, and turned off the ignition. Tosh was the first one to bail out, Owen following behind her. Ianto waited patiently for Gwen to get out, but she hesitated, hand on the door handle. She looked at him and Ianto sighed again, knowing what was coming. Another pep talk seemed to be in order.

"Ianto..." Gwen started, on cue. "You know, you don't have to come in. I understand if you want to stay here."

"You need help." Ianto said, looking out the window, silently fuming.

"We don't need it _that_ much..."

"Why don't you want me to come, Cooper?" Ianto said, looking at her coldly. He was in no mood to put up with her shit today, he was tired and he was cranky and he just wanted to be able to _think_, but he can't because if he does then he'll start thinking about Jack and he didn't need that right now. He wanted to work, to go in that bloody warehouse and get hurt so he'll have something else to worry about besides worrying about what he was going to eat that night all because he was too tired at night to run to the market to stock up his refrigerator. And he was running out of the stuff he needed to make coffee and that just made him pissed off.

"We're worried about you Ianto." Gwen's words came out in a rush. "Ever since Jack left we've been, uh, kind of keeping an eye on you and you seem so _reckless_ when we go out on the field. I don't _think_ you're suicidal at all, Ianto, but I can't take that chance. Just because you're... angry at Jack doesn't mean you can take it out on the team and getting yourself killed isn't going to bring him back."

_Isn't going to bring him back._

Great, Ianto thought bitterly. The first mention of Jack in _months_ and she already speaks of him as if he's dead to her, as if he's dead to them all.

"I'm not _angry_ with Jack, I'm _angry_ with _you."_ Ianto snapped, opening his door and getting out. He slammed it shut behind him, startling Toshiko and Owen so much that they turned around to stare at him. He ignored them, barging past them towards the entrance of the warehouse. Owen, after slight hesitation, sprinted after him and kept up easily. Ianto smirked when he heard Owen panting a bit after the first couple of yards. The Doctor wasn't as fit as he liked to think.

"What's Gwen done now?" Owen said mildly after awhile. Ianto turned his head to look at him, trying to figure if it was the man's curiosity that drove him to this question or if he was back to lusting after her again. He decided it was the former.

"Trying to keep me from going out on the field." Ianto mumbled, looking away.

"Why?"

"Apparently, I'm suicidal now." Ianto glared at the gravel.

He saw Owen wince. "That's harsh."

They slowed, hearing Toshiko and Gwen's footsteps fading farther and farther behind them. Owen tried to hide the fact that he was trying to catch his breath, but it was hard since his chest was heaving. Ianto, since Gwen had been so protecting of him when he was out on the field, had taken to running on the top floors of the Hub to keep himself fit. Owen, it was apparent, hadn't thought of such thing and now he was paying for it. But Ianto wasn't going to say anything about it to him.

"But aren't we all, in a way?" Owen asked suddenly.

"Sorry?" Ianto asked, confused.

"We've all been suicidal at one point or other." Owen said casually. "I bet even Gwennie girl thought about jumping off that roof top at least once."

"The joys of Torchwood." Ianto said dryly. "One day you love life, the next day the only thing you want to do is take a one-way ticket out."

Owen chuckled. He didn't have time to reply as Gwen caught up with them then with Toshiko in tow. Ianto straightened without knowing it and winced at his actions. Next he'd be calling Gwen 'sir'.

"Okay, here's the plan. Owen, you come with me to investigate the top floors. Toshiko, go with Ianto and see what you can find on the bottom floors until you work your way up. We'll meet you halfway there."

Ianto nodded, glancing at Toshiko. Did Gwen put the two shyest members together purposely or did she want to work with Owen? Ianto glanced at the other man suspiciously, thinking that his 'one-way ticked out' comment could easily be passed on to Gwen to prove he _was_ suicidal. Damn damn damn. Should've just kept his mouth shut.

As Gwen entered the warehouse with Owen in tow, their guns drawn and the safety off, Toshiko fell in step with Ianto. She was nervous, he could tell, but whether it was because of him or because of what they were doing he didn't know. Maybe a mix of both, Ianto thought as he sneaked a glance at her face.

They walked in silence as they found the stairs leading down into the basement floors. It was dark and musty, and the stairs creaked noisily as they made their way down in the dark. Ianto remembered the last time the two of them had been alone on the field, where they had encountered the cannibals. He shivered, remembering the way Tosh had been nearly fearless as she faced death, even when she was locked in the shed with nothing but human parts and shoes keeping them company. He remembered how Jack had driven him home in the SUV after dropping the rest of them off at their homes, how he had hovered after escorting Ianto through the doors of his flat. How, after pleading and stumbling and shaking, Jack had curled up in bed beside Ianto. He was still there when Ianto had woken, thrashing, terrified. And if it hadn't been for Jack they wouldn't be alive.

Jack was no longer there to protect them, to come in at the last minute on a tractor like those heroes in comic books. He was a hero - with his army coat and jacket, his dry comments and his odd ways of showing affection. But their hero had gone off to star in another comic series, and it was only a matter of time until they needed him - and he wasn't going to be there.

Beside Ianto, he heard Tosh mumble something that he couldn't hear.

"What?" Ianto asked.

"I said," Toshiko cleared her throat, "That I don't think you're suicidal, no matter what Gwen says."

Ianto stared at her, trying to think of something to say to that. What _was_ he supposed to say? 'Thanks' just didn't seem right, 'oh' wasn't going to work either. And what if she was just trying to get on his good side, that she _did_ think he was suicidal but wouldn't say so? She had evaded their minds, after all, with that pendant and refused to tell any of them about it. She had, without a doubt, heard his thoughts.

"I thought you always agreed with Gwen." Ianto said, instead of bringing up this fact.

Tosh glanced at him. "Well, you're wrong."

Ianto shrugged, wishing he hadn't said anything at all. Pretty soon he'd have _every_ Torchwood member, Myfanwy included, completely pissed off at him if he kept this up.

They checked out the basement, pulling out their pocket flashlights and shining it around the room briefly before assigning themselves corners to start with. Instead of everything being cleared out, like Gwen had assured them, there were boxes and papers spewed everywhere. The floors looked as if some one had taken a few buckets of black paint and randomly started throwing splotches. It was also incredibly hot - so hot Ianto felt it through his tennis shoes, so hot that he swore under his breath as he felt the burn. Toshiko looked at him curiously; shining the light in his eyes, but did not ask. Ianto wondered how she could stand the heat.

"Nothing here." Ianto said quickly after flashing his own light everywhere he could. He didn't dare to try and do a further inspection; all he wanted was to get back on the cool, stone steps. He did so when he saw Toshiko nod before following him.

They ventured up the steps until they found another floor, this one decorated with windows. The room was so bright Ianto winced, shielding his eyes for a moment before slowly lowering them. He was deeply confused, trotting over to the windows quickly. The sun was out with no clouds in sight.

"Tosh, how long have we been in the warehouse?"

"I'd say..." Ianto turned to see her checking a small watch across her wrist. "Half an hour?"

"Wasn't it cloudy when we got here?" Ianto asked after a moment.

"The weather can change quickly, Ianto." Toshiko replied, as if she were speaking to a toddler.

Ianto felt his temper flare dangerously high. He was aware how quickly the weather could change - but the forecasts on several different weather stations all predicted wind, slight showers, and lightning for the rest of the day. How could the weather change from _that_ to sunny with no clouds in sight, in less than thirty minutes? It all went against Ianto's common sense and knowledge, but he pressed his lips in a tight line and said nothing. He knew if Jack were here, it would be different. Jack was the kind of person that intimidated you with his authority, but he always listened, even if it was a stupid question or comment. But Gwen would look at him with sympathy, thinking that he was going mad. Toshiko and Owen might have taken his side in other circumstances, but not with Gwen around.

Ianto turned his back to the window and clicked off his flashlight. He felt Tosh's eyes on his back but he ignored her as he searched the room for anything abnormal once more. This room was different from the last - instead of papers strewn everywhere, the floors where clean and a polished, yet faded, gray. The walls were dusty beyond belief.

"Toshiko!" Gwen shouted from somewhere far away. "Ianto!"

Tosh looked at Ianto's face before they quickly sprinted out of the room and up the stairs. He winced as their hurried footsteps made loud clanging noises, making the stairs squeak louder than before. And they had three stories to go of steps before they reached Gwen and Owen.

"Ianto!" Owen's voice now, clearer but still far away. "Don't come to us, mate, lead Tosh towards the entrance!"

Ianto reached over to grab Toshiko's hand tightly in his. Instinctively she leaned towards him.

"Gwen was looking in one of the rooms - "

The stairs beneath Ianto's feet gave a loud groan. Ianto winced.

"And she found some sort of timer - "

"Tosh," Ianto said softly, catching her attention. "Keep ahead of me, _always_ keep ahead of me. Okay?"

"Okay." Tosh nodded.

"And we think it's a - "

Ianto let go of her hand, praying.

"Ianto, mate, we think it's a bomb."

And that's when the staircase under him gave one last creak, before they fell. "Jack," Ianto whispered.

And then he was falling, long, hard. The wind took the air out of his lungs and burned his chest.

"IANTO!"


End file.
